Bus Trips

If there’s one place that I have spent some not so pleasant hours aboard, it’s a bus. (I know you might think the toilet) I have taken pretty much every crappy motor coach you can imagine. Chinatown Bus, Megabus, Greyhound, Bolt Bus (not that crappy). Some/many of these trips have been with some folks who have a remarkable stench. Other journeys I have endured with strikingly obnoxious humans. Yet others I have dealt with people who got their license to drive bumper cars. With this wealth of experiences, I consider myself an aficionado of bus transportation.

Several things to live by when preparing for/on a bus ride:

1) Check your ego at the door - Don’t think for a moment that you are above another person the bus. (Ok, you can think it, but don’t give off that vibe)People will resent you on the bus and you could hurt the bus mojo. This is particularly relevant when on a 10 person mini-van packed with 13 folks drive back on the Chinatown bus/van from State College, PA.

2) Don’t draw attention to yourself - This will most likely result in you having to talk with “that” person who you least wanted to talk to on the whole bus. They will strike quickly and you’ll be immediately, before you know it, in a conversation without much of a way out.

3) Don’t insult the driver - I despise those assholes on the bus who are up in arms with the driver for being 10 minutes behind. This just in, they are DRIVING you. Don’t make them angry or make them take their eyes off the road. Not a smart call hotshot.

4) Book your plans at least 3 hours from when your bus is scheduled to arrive - You will most likely be a strong 2 hours late on average. Plan for this, expect this. Don’t be bitter when it happens.

5) Use the bathroom before or at pit stops - Being someone who has the bladder of a toddler, I have had to use the bus restroom too many times. The words, “rank, heinous, grotesque” come to mind. Don’t subject your to it. I now just deal with the leg cramps rather than hit the loo in the bus.

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Have a lovely bus ride. You should be well-equipped to not make any enemies.

Much love,
Brad

22 August 2011 ·