Things you can just bank on

There are somethings that are just a lock. Somethings that you know are just going to happen before they actually happen.

1) If a girl changes her status on Facebook to “single” then you are going to get at least one of the following two comment responses:

a) One friend who says, “yayy! so happy, let’s go out and get drinks soon to celebrate.” - or something very close to this

b) One person who writes, “Oh no! So sorry honey. Call me. Totes love you!!!”

2) Many males are going to grossly overestimate the number of drinks that they drank the night before to make themselves sound like more manly.

     - “I had like 5 40’s to pregame last night. Obviously it was malt liquor. I wasn’t even buzzed. Honestly, I can just really drink a lot, no big deal.”

3) Parents are going to brag about their kids. It’s what they’re best at and rightfully so.

      - Personal story: My parents bragged about me being in the school play, Oklahoma in 9th grade. Yes, me a thesbian, believe it. We have VHS proof. That being said, I had 2 lines. Did my parents tell their friends that I only had a mere 2 speaking lines? Hell no, they said, I was the star of the show.

4) “That’s what she said” is acceptable in nearly all situations and locations. Probably want to shy away from dropping it at funerals and interventions.

5) You’re going to be forced to talk to “that” person that you don’t want to from time to time. It will make “that” person’s day and you get to tally up another mitzvah on the board. In other words, it’s a win-win!

Welcome to Friday,

Brad

20 May 2011 ·