“Real liars” and how they try to convince you of preposterous things

I’m not talking about the little white liars that us normal folk drop from time to time. I’m talking about the real bonified liars. The liars who speak out of their ass, so much that it’s awe-inspiring. The “real” liars (aka - the people who love the challenge of convincing people of their obvious lies) are going to attempt to make you believe blatantly false things/stories/etc. The web of lies gets increasingly intricate that by the end they make you pretty much forfeit and you finish the conversation with, “okay, I guess you did see/hear/do (insert relevant topic)”

 Here’s how:

Liar - Brad, did you know that pigs can talk?

Me - No, that’s a complete lie. You can leave now.

Liar - No, you see I honestly saw it happen. I was on the set for the movie “Babe” and Babe honestly talked to me.

Me - Oh yeah hotshot, what did you guys talk about?

Liar - Bacon. Haha, you get it?

Me - Yes, not funny though. What did you really talk about?

Liar - Our big night’s the night before. Babe is a hell of a partier, really can hold his liquor. Listen to the proof. (Liar brings out a tape recorder from pocket).

(Tape recorder plays conversation, which clearly is just Liar speaking with a friend about a big night out the night before)

Me - That’s not Babe’s voice, I’ve seen that movie 5 times and it doesn’t sound like his voice at all.

Liar - Babe obviously has a film voice and a “real life” voice. He’s a gifted actor.

Me - So, has Babe had any kids and can they speak as well?

Liar - Yes, but sadly no. It’s one of those things that Babe learned from his keeper and when his keeper passed away Babe no longer had the person to teach his kids to speak.

Me - So you’re saying Babe couldn’t transfer his ability to speak to his offspring?

Liar - He would but he’s always too busy at State Fairs and rarely gets to speak his kids.

Me - Right. Riiiight.

Liar - Look Babe talked to me. Also I have pics of us together. (Shows me obvious pics of PhotoShop images of him with Babe pics from Babe: Pig in the City) So, do you want to hang with Babe?  I could get in touch with him if you’d like.

Me - Alright, I guess pigs do talk and you do know Babe personally.

Liar - I can’t believe you didn’t believe me earlier.

Me - Yeah, pretty embarrassing of me to not believe that pigs can actually talk and that the Babe movies weren’t actually fiction. My apologies.

——-

I hope you have someone in your life who brings up these nonsensical stories. They are quite a special breed and bring the utmost joy to my life when they are in their “convincing mode.”

Liar, liar, pants on fire,
Brad

15 May 2011 ·